Hmmm. Well, you know I'm of the opinion that his troubles started because of the war, even if he might have had tendencies. I always assumed he was called "Howling Mad" and "crazy" during the war because he did take risks flying, not because he had an actual mental illness.
But yes, I'm absolutely with you that he's more sensitive. I have one part where the team helps out his high school sweetheart who he almost married, and she notes to my OC that now he's much the same person he's always been, but
"He's sensitive, too, with a kind heart. He's had to learn to hide that and protect himself." And she says to him at one point,
"You're much the same... but you're harder now. Wiser. But more hurt, too.”(She also says: "You see, he's always been a little different. I know in recent years he's had his challenges, but H.M. has always been quirky; it's just the way he is. He's smart, he's creative, he's a dreamer; he marches to the beat of his own drummer."
“Sometimes the drummer is imaginary,” Elise put in with a grin, and Marina laughed.
“Sometimes I've wondered if the beat comes from outer space!"
Elise asks,
“What was he like when he was younger?”
“Not much different from now. Just shorter. Goofy, often cracking jokes; sometimes they were geeky, sometimes they were odd, sometimes they were too high-brow for the other kids. He was accused more than once of never being able to be serious. But other times, moody and intense, especially once we became teenagers, sometimes hard to handle when he was like that. Often in trouble in school; he wasn't a bad kid, just inquisitive and mischievous. He never meant to cause trouble... he just somehow did. Taking things apart, getting into things, wandering off without telling anybody, asking too many questions about everything and anything, questioning teachers, daydreaming too much, that kind of thing. Exasperated teachers because he was clearly smart, but didn't always do his homework, or would do something different than asked or go off on tangents. In high school he played a bit of baseball, ran a bit of track, sang in the church choir. Got in a couple fights sticking up for the underdog; he was always nice to the new kids and the outcasts. Some kids thought he was weird, but he was also charismatic so a lot of kids liked him.”
“All of that sounds familiar,” Elise laughed.
“What's he like now?”
“Much the same. Just taller. Still goofy, as you've seen; still sometimes not serious enough. Sometimes still too serious, but he usually hides it well. Still gets in trouble. Still nice to the outcasts, and every stray dog in town. Still charismatic, though the 'crazy' act tempers it a bit.”
“He's refined that a bit, I see; the silly act is more streamlined.”
“He's had long practice at being insane.”)
In my headcanon, it's a plane or helicopter crash that puts him in the hospital in the first place. One where maybe he takes a risk that doesn't pan out, and someone gets hurt or killed because of it-- and that's what he can't handle and tips him over the edge. But also, the war simply haunts him:
Men loaded into his chopper... so many... men bleeding, moaning, crying, or simply quietly staring but not seeing. So many he wasn't sure he'd be able to take off but he also didn't want to leave anyone. Pushed in by other men who weren't hurt, who said if there wasn't room they'd remain behind and wait for the next one-- even though they weren't sure if there'd be a next one. And the ones on the ground, blown to so many pieces and so obviously gone that they weren't loaded at all; there wasn't time, there wasn't room, and the living had to be saved. Not wanting to leave without them anyway, but forcing himself to swallow the sight along with his gum and pull that stick upward, to forget them until the ones he could help were safe. Being able to keep it locked safely in the back of his mind until they were all unloaded at the field hospital and he stood in the back of his machine and wondered if they could ever get all the blood out of the grooves of the floor.
The nightmares always came. The ones where he'd left behind living comrades, reaching up to him as he flew away. He would wake up in a cold sweat, unable to stop thinking: what if there was one they'd missed?
I wonder sometimes how he feels about the situations some of their clients are in... like, not just "I am mad at the bad guys and want to help them," but really feels about it deep down when he's lying in bed at night knowing someone has been hurt in some way or treated badly. I also wonder sometimes why he went into the military... )it would be interesting to see why any of them did. I could see Hannibal being the "military type." B.A. and Face, probably both for the GI Bill money-- I imagine B.A. growing up not-well-off and the military would both give him formal training in mechanics and college money, and Face as someone ageing out of an orphanage would see it as the best way for a kid who literally has nothing to have a solid start in making his way in the adult world. But Murdock...? {Maybe military in the family and he figured why not/always assumed he'd follow? Maybe same as Face-- kid raised by grandparents might not have many advantages, especially if the grandparents died before he was very old and he was on his own?})
(B.A. is the other one I see as being sensitive. Even though he'd yell at me for suggesting it.
)
I could see Hannibal exploiting Murdock a bit (or any of them, really. Like, look at B.A.-- he's just always automatically "the muscle," with Hannibal just always making that assumption that he can win any fight and will take the knocks. We see it even right at first in "Mexican Slayride"-- they're at the saloon being threatened, and Hannibal simply calls in B.A. and brags about how he's "tough" as if B.A. is going to automatically wipe the floor with someone {even though they don't even know yet what they're up against}... but B.A. has had his share of getting his butt kicked, including in this episode, and isn't as infallible as Hannibal assumes).
I think maybe Hannibal is often not mindful of consequences for himself, and so he assumes that's the case for everyone else, as well. Kind of like how my church music director is really dedicated and the church music stuff always comes first and that is awesome of her... but she also sometimes expects everyone to have that mindset and same priorities, which is a bit awkward for people who have other interest/obligations, have other jobs rather than the music being their job, etc. Hannibal is unmindful of danger or issues for himself, but thinks that should apply to the other three as well.
)